On Friday, week 18 of this pregnancy, Paul came home early from work so that we could all go to an ultrasound together and hopefully find out that this baby is good and healthy and whether it is a boy or a girl....
Now LP has been convinced it was a girl since day one, a girl named Molly. I was convinced it was a boy. Paul had no opinion on what the baby might be but wanted another boy- he grew up with 2 brothers and doesn't quite know what do with a girl. Plus he's cheap (both of us are, really) and he thought it would be more thrifty to have another boy- after all, we're all stocked up on baby blue clothing....
The baby was moving like crazy the whole time and the ultrasound tech could hardly believe how wriggly it was! She kept asking me if I'd eaten a candy bar right before coming in or something. I remember when we went for that first ultrasound with LP they said he was moving a lot too but this baby definitely seemed to be moving more. Makes me a bit nervous for when I can really feel the kicks and movements! Right now I only feel little flutters if I'm laying down, but seeing those kicks and wriggles makes me wonder how I'll ever get any sleep once I feel the baby more... In fact, baby moved so much that the tech couldn't get all of the images she needed and I have to go back on Friday for another ultrasound. The baby is currently face down with its head on my left side and its feet on the right.
We'd told the tech that we wanted to know what the baby was and that LP really wanted a baby sister. Finally, after many measurements of the various body parts, and lots of exclamations that it's a beautiful baby (of course!) she said, well Paul, I think I know what the baby is! At that moment I got very nervous- thinking she was going to say that it's a boy and that LP was going to get upset. For weeks we'd been telling him that it could be a boy but he always refused to accept that as a possibility. We'd say "what if you have a baby brother?" and he'd reply, "no! It's a sister named Molly!"
I could hardly believe that the next words out of her mouth were "you're going to have a baby sister!" Wow!
LP was immediately so excited which was of course adorable. Hopefully he'll always feel that way (my mother likes to tell a story about how after my parents brought my youngest brother home from the hospital I asked when he was going back. My mother said, "I thought you wanted another brother?" to which I replied, "I did! But not to KEEP!")...
Our beautiful baby girl!
So we're getting used to the idea of a girl! We've been talking names (besides Molly) and I just ordered some fabric to use in her nursery. I haven't bought any cute little pink outfits yet but it's only a matter of time. A mama can only resist for so long...
And while I'm so excited to have a girl, I have to admit I'm a bit nervous about having a daughter. I speak "boy" now. I know what to do, what to expect (not that one can really expect anything when parenting- it's all a bit of a crapshoot), how boys are. And I know the love of a mama for her boy. It's a love that incomparable. Sometimes I wonder if my love for my baby girl won't be quite the same as my love for LP. If it won't feel as intense or as special. I know that a lot of women feel that way with #2 babies and they always love them just as much so I really shouldn't worry about it but when I'm lying awake at night feeling her flutter inside me these thoughts sometimes cross my mind...
It's hard to imagine loving anyone as much as I love LP but I know that I will... That I do....
Aw, this brought tears to my eyes! Probably in part because I feel kind of the same way--a boy felt more like a known--I was a tomboy, so liked Legos and GI Joe and Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. I didn't even own a Barbie! I, of course, had a few more "girlie" toys, like a fake My Little Pony and a Cabbage Patch Kid doll, but doing girls' hair and dressing them up in pink? Yikesola. Guess we'll be learning together!
ReplyDeleteBut also, I can't wait to feel all that love for a little tiny human being that you already feel with LP!! I love this baby girl, but it's definitely not yet 100% totally real to me. I can't wait to hold her in my arms and just love her and to see her loving me back with a smile or a laugh and later hugs and kisses! =D