PAIL

Anyone who has visited my blog in the past few days might have noticed a new button over on the right column.  It's a link to a blogroll I just joined called PAIL, which stands for Parenting/Pregnant after Infertility and Loss.  Started by Elphaba over at "Alice in Diaperland," it's a community of bloggers who find themselves parenting or pregnant after struggles with infertility and loss.  It's a way to bring together women who were once classified as "infertility bloggers," but who now don't feel quite comfortable in the world of "mommy bloggers" even though they are parenting and or pregnant.  We're women who are lurking around a bit on both the infertility and the pregnancy message boards, but who don't feel quite right commenting or asking questions in either type of forum.

Those of you who are long-term readers might recall that I initally started my blog because I found out I was pregnant with LP and wanted to write about my experiences.  I blogged every week of that pregnancy with updates on how big the baby was, how I was feeling, what we'd done on the nursery, etc.   This time around I've blogged exactly once about being pregnant, and I'm already 14 weeks into this.  At 14 weeks along with LP I'd blogged no less than 14 times about being pregnant.  

And while part of me wants to share every second of this pregnancy, part of me still is trying to shake all the feelings and emotions of two years struggling to get to this place off of my shoulders.  I hold my breath at every doctors appointment until they tell me things look great.  With LP I just assumed everything was fine.  And I know that some of my newer readers are fellow infertiles, most of whom are still waiting for their piece of good news, and then I feel guilty about saying too much.  And I know that's completely silly because I've been a follower of many infertility bloggers who are pregnant or recently had babies (including Elphaba who started PAIL after having her baby) and I was never anything but happy and excited for them.  

Now yes, my blog is probably one of those that fell more squarely into the "mommy blogger" category than it ever did in the "infertility blogger" category.  My infertility posts were fairly limited, while my posts about parenting and family life were and are much more frequent.  But since this suprising and oh so wanted pregnancy, I've felt a bit out of sorts with blogging in general.  I don't feel as though I neatly fit into that "mommy blogger" category any more.  And maybe I shouldn't worry about being in a category so much.  I should just be my own category.

So while I figure it all out, bear with me.  I'm sure my blog will remain just a big mishmash of our everyday life, DIY projects, sewing, cooking, random thoughts, parenting, and yes, pregnancy stuff.  I don't see any drastic changes ahead.  It's really more of a change in me than in anything.  The past two years have changed me almost as much as the previous two years did.  Becoming a mother changed so much of who I am, and the struggle to become a mother of two changed me as well.

I highly recommend that anyone feeling the same way as I do check out the PAIL blogroll.  It's full of great women, great blogs, and great insights.